My Conversion Journey - How God Reaches Out To Me

[Posted @ my Facebook on 20-Sep-2017]

Come, spare me 10 minutes, read about Life. read about Peace.

Going back to more than 10 years ago, back to 2004 or 2005. I was still lecturing at KSA and there I met Mr. Yap, the founder of Citypro College in JB. During a conversation with Yap, he told me that JB was a very tough market to build. Even very good lecturers hardly get good numbers of students. Even the renown tax expert, Choong Kwai Fatt failed to get the crowd in when he was lecturing for him at that time. Yap just said, JB ACCA never seemed to make it.

A young man then, just mid twenty, I have a strong urge to win. I decided to take up the challenge and thus started my lecturing in JB till today (about 14 or 15 years already).

At that time, Citypro was located at the 4th floor of City Square Shopping Complex. It was not even a happening place back then. However, JB grew bigger. Malaysian currency weakens over the years. Each time in JB, I would see currency exchange outlets displayed the exchange rate. It was like “2.10… then 2.23… 2.35… and suddenly I just realized that it is now 3.09”. More Singaporeans visit JB for shopping and services like the saloon, car wash, massage and City Square’s businesses boomed. In fact, City Square shopping mall and car park (not the office complex) was acquired by Singapore entity. Slowly, Citypro had been forced to move out from the shopping floor to the office tower section. We moved to the 11th floor. We had to give way to more lucrative tenants, generally these tenants can pay higher rent.

Over the years, Yap been sharing with me about Christianity. I never resisted. I love listening to his stories and his testimonies of how God worked miracles in his life. He shared my testimonies after testimonies of how his college was established/built with God's will and miracles occur along the way to help him going through obstacles. He was facing litigation, with the wicked businessmen suing him and yet God blinded the lawyers working on the court case against Yap to the extent, they had forgotten to act on the case. When they remembered it, it was way past the “validity period”. That must be a miracle by God, and not by chance, he said.

So over the years, I have been listening to his talk about Christianity and each time deep in my heart, I am like “yeah yeah, you will never make me leave Buddhism’s teachings”.

Over the years, I have been questioning myself. What if Yap is so true about God? I mean, there got to be a supreme and divine power right? He planted more doubts in my mind.

And since, I felt that I have been searching for Truth.

I grew up in my teenage life, learning everything about Buddhism. I learned of the 4 noble truths. I have been learning about Karma (cause & effect). My Buddhism started at the age of 15. And I am not just a convenient-faith believer. I grew up reading, learning a lot about Buddhist scriptures. I knew of Theravada vs Mahayana. I have too many questions about “fairness”. How can one be born disabled? how can one be of such good life when he is so wicked? why a person got ill? And I thought that only Buddhism teaches about Karma and that Karma is the fairest of all thing? Only till recently, I came across how Jesus told of all these and I began to understand more.

John 9:2 read in this way: 
Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. 2 And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be
revealed in him.

And in the book of Exodus of the old testament, this is what we read

5 The Lord came down in a cloud, stood with him there, and pronounced his holy name, the Lord.[a] 6 The Lord then passed in front of him and called out, “I, the Lord, am a God who is full of compassion and pity, who is not easily angered and who shows great love and faithfulness. 7 I keep my promise for thousands of generations[b] and forgive evil and sin, but I will not fail to punish children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation for the sins of their parents.”

So there is cause and effect in Christianity.

And Yap always quoted me about a book he read. He said in that book, a person asked Buddha, who is God? and Buddha replied, he doesn’t know. And being one who read a lot about Buddhism, I concluded that Yap does not know much about Buddhism. Then, I convinced myself that he was just biased. That was my stance.

Yet, I have something I just can’t get the answer in Buddhism - we are told of reincarnation and one has to repeat this cycle of reincarnation in the dharma wheel - so we just kept coming back again and again and reborn into different realms of beings until we achieve Buddhahood and my ultimate question is - and so when was the FIRST life being created?

Buddhism explains this Dharma-wheel process assuming that everything has been there on its own, and basically you do not question how it has started but you just have to know that this process exists, and it carries on. And then there is this “Amitabha or we call pure land” where we can reincarnate to “Nirvana” by faith - by trusting him. And then I start relating - is that not the same as Christianity? Where mankind is called to have faith in Jesus Christ where you are being saved, and be given a spot in Heaven? I started comparing the two.

Back to “how did the world even begin” - This has always been the “ultimate killer” to my belief in Buddhism - since everything must have a beginning. And, how does “karma works” if we assume at the beginning there are only very few lives? How would “spirit of few lives” reincarnate into so many beings today? look at the size of human population and the number of creatures on earth? they are growing. Then once I came across a Buddhist monk said, our human mind is too small to comprehend because the universe is so big and there are too many worlds in other parts of the universe so that is why we cannot be so shallow. And that pointed me back to - then there must be someone who created all these right? So, is “Buddha” a creator of various universes or just he is an enlightened person - the Awakened one? and it seems like, my questions are pointing back to we need a CREATOR.

As time goes along, I become confused. Really confused. Extremely confused.

I am stuck in between - believing there is a divine power and yet favoring certain aspects of Buddhism. Once Yap asked me, do you trust the Lord Jesus Christ? I told him, err… Yeah.. and he asked me to accept him. Okay, I replied. However, he never brought me into the “sinner’s prayer” [I don’t even know what is a sinner’s prayer too until now] He gave me a Bible and I remembered I have been spending days to read Genesis - the chapter about how God created this world. So eventually, I became a Hybrid believer to my own convenience. Perhaps, the term “Chrisdha” - a new genetic of Christianity and Buddhism, can be applied on me.

I started believing into certain parts of Christianity that Yap told me and I stand firm on my belief about Buddhism and I also worship Idols by praying to various Taoist Gods - which runs in my family since my birth. So basically, I am a very confused man. I didn’t know that searching for a belief can be so challenging. I must however admit, I have never been given chance to know more about Christianity since there only Yap alone been telling me his side of Christianity and I never have any urge to read about anything concerning Christianity too. I didn’t read much about the Bible too since I have forever read Genesis that I never ended it.

There were few times when I needed to fill in application forms, and I hesitated when I came to “Religion”. Occasionally I wrote there Buddha and at times, Christian.

I left KSA mid-2006, joined FTMS.

I remembered in late 2006, Mr Yap, myself and another lecturer, for anonymity, I would call it as Mr X. At that time, Mr X commanded a great number of ACCA students, like can be 200 to 300 per class. We had discussions of coming together to form a partnership and run ACCA at Kolej Bandar and discussions went on a while with various parties. That time, Mr Ho, was the owner/CEO of Kolej Bandar. As we didn’t really have much time to sit down all the times, we only met like 2 or 3 times and in principle we agreed to start ACCA at Kolej Bandar in 2007 - without any agreement signed and we even advertised at FOCUS Malaysia, the ACCA Malaysia’s magazines for the ACCA students and ACCA members. It was a big full-page, red colour (kind of copying the style of AirAsia) advertisements of the names of lecturers and course fees. I resigned from FTMS. They decided to sue me for breach of contract for a compensation sum that is 6-digit figure. Guess what? All things made a big U-Turn when Mr X told us he decided to stay put at his existing college and not joining us. I literally felt the “shiver” in my heart and kept saying “oh no, oh no. Gone Gone Gone”.

I called Yap. He too was very shocked but unlike me, being a wealthy man with no commitments he would not have the fear like I do. He just said, “inform Mr. Ho and see what he is going to say, then we plan again.” I called Mr. Ho and over the phone, he replied “If Mr. X is not joining, then no point for us to start the ACCA programme.”

Devastated, I called Yap to relate what Ho told me and I hung up without further conversation. In my heart, I said this “God - are you testing me? are you trying to take everything from me to prove to me you are real? are you trying to make me believe just you?” Yap called up like after 30 seconds away after we ended the earlier conversation, “Boss, trust me Ho will go ahead” he said.

Why? I asked. How do you know? and this is his reply “I prayed to God and He said Yes”. In a state of disappointment, I just say “oklah, we see how”. Once I put down the call, immediately Ho’s number appeared on my phone. “Chin Ann ah, I think, it doesn’t matter lah, we just go ahead and start ACCA with or without Mr. X”. This was what I heard, and I am like… “okay God you are real”.

Did this incident turn me into Christian? No. I am still like I am before - a Chrisdha. Many times, Yap asked me, “Boss have you removed your idols at home?” My usual reply, not really, cause my parents won’t agree to it. I basically brushed it off using my parents as an excuse, though deep in my heart, I didn’t want to do so.

Okay, and now let’s moved to what happened in JB.

Citypro's competitor, Crescendo is located at the end of Jalan Wong Ah Fook and right opposite is the JA Residence Hotel (the name now, while its old name used to be Meldrum Walk Hotel (if my memory did not fail me)). That would be where I usually put up my nights when I have classes at JB. Yap, being a nice friend, would usually walk with me to the hotel, while on his way to pick up his car too. We used to walk passed a newly constructed office block, with a nice glass frontage. The building is just a few shops to the left of Crescendo college. Each time we walked passed, I would say, how nice if we have Citypro moved here as it would definitely be a better location. On one occasion, Yap said, let's pray over it. So, we stood in front of the building, and he silently prays. I watched him pray in silence.

I remembered so fresh and clear, he said this, if God said it’s yours, it's yours. Surprisingly, this building has never been taken by anyone. A newly constructed building, 7-storey, not occupied by a single tenant. For years I have seen the “To Let” banner hanging there. I always wonder, why is the building not being taken? God reserved it for us?

Finally, one day, City Square management met Yap regarding tenancy renewal. They wanted to hike the rent rate and Yap was extremely unhappy over it. He went on to negotiate for the rate to remain but the management was very adamant. That prompted him to perceive it as a sign to leave. He contacted the phone number in the poster hung at the vacant building. After some negotiations, he signed a 10-year tenancy agreement. Once we went in, the building, like a woman being barren for many years and God opened her womb. All other tenants came in and occupy all the floors. I always wonder, Did God really reserve it for us?

And let’s come back to Kolej Bandar. We had a good start. Recruitment numbers were promising and I did well financially. However, semester after semester, we started seeing numbers falling. We always carried the hope that numbers would grow and it would always to our disappointment. Over the years, my income from Kolej Bandar dropped from 5 digits to 4 digits.

Many unfriendly scenes to our eyes occurred. We used to have a food court on the ground floor, drawing good court to this place. The operator, an elderly lady decided to stop her business. She sold it to another operator but things didn’t work well. The new operator could not sustain and ceased business. Then the ground floor shutter gate was forever shut. Drunkards and drug addicts were loitering around and sleeping at the walkway. Students felt displeased and we heard of parents being worried of having their kids studying at Kolej Bandar - for their safety. Along the way, a few offers came to me, asking me to leave Kolej Bandar and join them and that include the offer from Mr Maran of Nirvana. However, many times, I posed this question to Yap, my partner in Kolej Bandar - if it is God who gave us this place, how can we leave? Is that God’s will? and I cannot betray Ho since he did nothing wrong and he has in fact be very accommodative to us. So, everything this question popped up, I will always come to a conclusion - we have to stay on.

The biggest thing happened in my life in 2013 - 19-Oct-2013, My dad passed away. Dad was ill for many days and refused to see doctor. To me, He was a really strong man. He never wanted to burden his children with expensive medical bills. Many times, he just put up with the pain of his sickness and yet he always recovered from it. I thought this time would be the same. On 19 Oct itself, I asked dad, “Pa, do u feel pain? Can I bring you to see doctor?” He replied, a bit, but not today. Tomorrow we can go. I drove home (dad was not staying with me) in that afternoon, with tears flowing down my eyes, I kept asking why is my dad is so stubborn. Why?. I went back to my parents’ home in the evening. It happened that I did not have class that very day. All my siblings were at home. We were discussing about going to get some Thai food for dinner. Just about before we went out, mum went in to see if dad needed anything and she shouted… we rushed in, saw dad had passed away. This big event of my life made me felt extremely lost. This had made me wonder, what happened to a person who passed away? How can we do something for the deceased? This led me to dig further and I went back into Buddhism again, strongly than before and I kept chanting Buddhist scriptures which were said to be helpful to my dad’s spirit - for him to get a better reincarnation. For sometimes, I were lost again and I began reading much more about “Buddha sutras” and watching videos from youtube on monks preaching and I meditate when I have free time. I still did not have peace. This incident made me completely let go the Christianity side of me. I became a full Buddhist I would say and I even go into vegetarian diet for sometime. The word “God” has since disappeared in my life.

Things changed in 2015. I got the news that Ho has sold his college, to a few Australian investors. I got the news from others in the industry instead of directly from him. I was in shocked and despair. Being his major business JV partner, he didn’t even tell me. One fine day, Ho called me and said: “Chin Ann, we have sold Kolej Bandar”. He said, “I offered you to buy, but you did not want, so we sell it to others”. Deep in my heart, I felt betrayed. I felt why Ho didn’t even mention this to me and I felt Ho had used my ACCA programme as a bargaining tool for a better price. Fear struck me. What would be happening to me then in the coming future? I felt uncertain although Ho said, do not be afraid as I am still the CEO of Kolej Bandar and I will take care of you as long as I am here. That was his response to me.

However, disagreements broke out between Ho and new owners and with Ho existing partners. Friends turned foes. They politicked many things and got Ho ousted as CEO. I began to feel more worried. Ho, went to KSA to start his LCCI programme and competing directly with Kolej Bandar. Kolej Bandar used to be the leading college for LCCI programme, with hundreds of students were down to less than 20. I remained in Kolej Bandar to run its only remaining, alive programme I would say, which is the ACCA. Most other programmes have collapsed - unmanned. Ho contacted me a few times and tried convincing me to leave Kolej Bandar - I felt his intention was to let Kolej Bandar fail completely (I might be wrong). He even got me to discuss with the owner of a “Traditional Chinese Medicine College” located next to ATC College along Jalan Petaling. The deal didn’t work out though. I was desperate. I didn’t know what is coming next. Again, gloomy days are ahead. Things are getting from bad to worse.

And Mr. Ng, my accounting lecturer, came and asked me, “are you interested to discuss with Methodist College (MCKL) about doing ACCA for them?” They are keen to have part-time ACCA and they already have their full-time running but with low numbers, he said. Actually, Ng told me about Methodist like a year earlier and it just didn’t appear to me any urge to go discuss with them. In fact, I proposed to Ng about asking Methodist to employ me as a part-time lecturer for one paper (ACCA F5) so we can build some relationship for one semester before we discuss further. Nothing ever materialize.

Finally, in end 2016, Ng sensing that Kolej Bandar might not be sustained, asked again, whether if I want to talk to Methodist. Somehow, this thought appeared in my mind. We started ACCA at Kolej Bandar with God’s will and now with the owner sold the college, is the covenant gone? Is that a sign that God says, is time to go? I agreed to meet up with MCKL.

My first impression when I reached Methodist - I love it. I can feel a very spiritually strong energy in this place. My heart felt like, “good feng shui”. I told myself, I wanted to work at this place. We negotiated at the senior management level but without the CEO. Finally, Ms. Moey, the CEO wanted to meet me in person. I remembered, she asked me, “Are you a Christian?”. I paused. Why this question? Why when I thought I am a Buddhist and God is coming back again to me? How am I suppose to answer Ms. Moey? I felt if I say no, I will not get the contract but if I say yes, I do not wish to lie about myself. I replied, “I have a deep root with Christianity but never officially a Christian, lacking a final push”. I told Ms. Moey about the stories in Citypro and Kolej Bandar.

On 30-September 2016, she gave me a small booklet, “My Daily Bread”. She said to me, Mr. Low, since you said you needed a final push and maybe Methodist is your final push? Would you like to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior?” And I obliged, and agreed, she led me into the sinner’s prayer. She told me, you have now accepted Christ and Lord Jesus will have his Holy Spirit to guide me.

I began reading this booklet - and that day when I read, it was 2nd October, and the “Daily Bread reading for 2nd October” had this title, “God’s Reminders”. In it, it was written like this. “He said to them “Do you still not understand?” Mark 8:21.” I read this statement with a strong spiritually feeling. I suddenly felt, God is that you talking to me? I felt strongly that He said to me, my son, are you still confused? Don’t you realized who is the Almighty, the King of Kings? Come to me, and take my Love.

Time is running out to finalise whether Methodist would want me to work on their ACCA programme. We have like 2 - 3 months to get things finalised and yet, it is never easy to deal with people from the Churches, since it is so hierarchical/bureaucratic. They have to evaluate whether they are keen to have gone ahead with the part-time ACCA. And then it came to a point that MCKL suggested that probably they would have to defer the idea to next year July 2017 or Jan 2018 as it might be too rush to get all things be in place. Suddenly, this reminded me about Kolej Bandar’s JV with me. Again, it became so fresh in my mind, Oh God, you put me through the same situation again. In my heart, I said, God, I surrender. You are real and I know you have come to show again your existence. Please “don’t play” me but help me. I trust you, in full of my heart, I believe you. I really surrender”. And guess what, a call rang from Methodist - it was Ms. Christina. She told me, don’t worry, they have somehow in principle agreed to take me into Methodist, and we can start the ACCA programme beginning of 2017. Don’t worry. Have faith in the Lord”.

Do you call this coincidence? No - it is Godincidence. It is God’s plan.

In life, we face obstacles and challenges. I just want to say, God is great in his plan and he works a way we can’t see. It is like, at that moment of time, you can’t see what has been installed ahead, and we might just feel doubtful. Sometimes, we pray for things to go our way, we ask for something that we feel is good and we ask God to bless it. And it didn’t work our way. Always remember, you don’t seek God by threatening Him. You seek Him by your love and obedience. Accept the fact that we are just so limited and God is not. His thought is higher than our thought, His way is greater than our way.

Remember - each time when you ask “Why?” God answered, do you trust Me? 
God does not answer prayers by fulfilling what you ask, but that does not mean He does not answer your prayer. 
Each time you pray, your prayer in faith goes straight up to heaven. 
Hence, Peace be with you.

It was until I have joined Methodist, God has set a plan for me, to look into his words and his words are in the Bible.

I remembered I asked Ms Moey about this, in 2016, - how long ago was God created this world, she replied, biblical history is around 6,000 over years. This answer cast an immediate doubt over my faith on Christianity. Wait a minute, I thought the earth is at least million of years. How do you explain dinosaurs? I thought there is evolution right? I prayed about it and asked God to help me clear this doubt of mine or else I will never be able to really trust you - I need evidence. Maybe I am still a very intellectual Christian. Guess what, few days later, I received a “forwarded video” in a chat group - it was about a debate involving a guy called “Kent Hovind” where he was asked to answer the question “Who is God”. I found out that his reply was extremely interesting and I went youtube to search for Kent Hovind. God is great, he answered all my doubts. I just realised how our education has been biased over a theory of evolution, making us to believe that the earth is of million of years. Hovind explained all the doubts that I need to clear. Of course, one will ask about “dinosaurs”? Well, if you read the Bible, there is this verse in Job 40:15

Job 40; verse 15-19
“Look now at the behemoth, which I made along with you;
He eats grass like an ox.
16 See now, his strength is in his hips,
And his power is in his stomach muscles.
17 He moves his tail like a cedar;
The sinews of his thighs are tightly knit.
18 His bones are like beams of bronze,
His ribs like bars of iron.
19 He is the first of the ways of God;
Only He who made him can bring near His sword.

The word dinosaur was obviously invented in modern science. But the description above fits well of a brachiosaurus? Read again, he moves his tail like a cedar. Cedar is a Big Tree? What can an animal be that has tail like a Big Tree?

I begin to realise, I have never given an opportunity to really know God in the past. The opportunity was shut by myself. I have never read God’s word and I have put a judgement about Christianity - and I concluded it as being not scientific, simply some kind of beliefs that are recorded down by people over the passage of time. I was wrong. Extremely wrong.

The Bible - with so many books, written at a different time period, by different authors yet it is the MOST consistent book. You can link and relate different books and verses together. How possible that these can be so consistent? Because God made it that way.

The Bible has so much Science in it, and yet we do not regard it as scientific. Just to quote a few things that are recorded in the Bible even before the discovery by scientists.

For example, in Genesis 9, verse 4 “But you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood.” God says “Blood is Life”.

We can read of this in Leviticus 17:11

Leviticus 17; verse 17 For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it to you upon the altar to make atonement for your souls; for it is the blood that makes atonement for the soul.’ Only until recently, scientists understand that “Blood” contains a lot of information and that is where we “analyse blood” for diseases, and we transfuse blood into a sick man to save him.

Bible spoken of “earth is round”, “earth is hanging in the galaxy”. If you read Job 26:7, it says “He stretches out the north over empty space; He hangs the earth on nothing.”. How scientific that can be? He hangs earth on NOTHING?.. How would a bible be so knowledgeable? Simple - it is not words of man, but it comes from the Creator. He creates, thus he knows.

The creation fact has answered how the earth can be so perfectly designed. Genesis 2:2, “Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished.” You notice God said, his creations were finished or completed? He has made all perfect. What is on earth that is not perfectly fit? Look at the gaseous in the atmosphere. Look at the movement of planets in the galaxy. A small mistake in the orbital movement and we are all gone. And are you saying that all these are by chance? There has to be a designer.

Another great thing about the bible is its fulfilled prophecy. This book is not just about the past. It is about the present and it is about the future. It accurately predicted so many things. The Bible accurately predicted that Israel becoming a nation again - that happened in 1948. You can see this in Isaiah 11:11.

Look at the end times prophecy? There are many signs. Luke Chapter 21:25.

25 “And there will be signs in the sun, in the moon, and in the stars; and on the earth distress of nations, with perplexity, the sea and the waves roaring; 
26 men’s hearts failing them from fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. 
27 Then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. 
28 Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.”

We have just experienced the Total Solar Eclipsed in the US on 21st August 2017. and Hurricane Harvey came on the 25th - strong wind, flood and roaring waves. Are the dates mere coincidence? Or simply God loves Numbers? How would the 21-25 events fit so perfectly the description of Luke Chap 21 and how would verse 28 fit so perfectly with Revelation 12 sign on the 23-September? Coincidence? How small that chance can be? The Bible itself is a “CODE” with lots of hidden messages that are for the wise to discover. Then it says in verse 28, look up and lift up your heads. Why? Because when you lift your heads, you see heaven (sky) and you see signs? Revelation 12 told of the great signs in heaven.

Do not forget, Hurricane Harvey comes with Hurricane Erma and now Hurricane Maria and Jose. Earthquake stroke Mexico on 20-9 at the scale of 7.1. Indonesia issues fresh warning on 19-9 of its Mount Agung, Bali of Volcano eruption. Not forgetting Russian landslide in Elbrus. Typhoon in Hong Kong. Even in Malaysia we have flood at the northern region. All these seem to be a disastrous stretch of August and September 2017. Perhaps God is giving signs, so that we be righteous, be godly, as God hates the wicked.

What is the fuss about this coming 23-Sep-2017, there is a much discussed great sign mentioned in Revelation 12.

Revelation 12

Now a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a garland of twelve stars. 2 Then being with child, she cried out in labor and in pain to give birth.

Go to youtube, type in 23-Sep-2017. You can see plenty of videos discussing the great sign on the constellation Virgo appearing in heaven fulfilling the prophecy of Revelation 12.

The more I read the Bible, the more I see facts, evidence and truth. It is completely opposite of what I thought a bible would be.

There are things that sometimes we just can’t understand until when the day comes, you realised that it is. For example, if you read Isaiah 66:17

17 “Those who sanctify themselves and purify themselves, To go to the gardens. After an idol in the midst, Eating swine’s flesh and the abomination and the mouse, Shall be consumed together,” says the Lord.

Abomination is something “disgusting”. The Bible talked about eating “pig with something disgusting and mouse” together. What possible can this be? And look at this thing called “enviro-pig” Google it, if you are not sure. Enviro-Pig is a Genetically Modified Pig that is produced after they added “genetic of mouse” and a bacteria call e-Coli (e-Coli is bacteria found in faeces or shit). And how can the Bible tell of something like this? Things that do not make sense at some point in time, become meaningful when again it become fulfilled. Because the Bible is not words of man but it is words of God. Isn't that this a book of prophecy? A book that tells of future?

God patiently took like more than 10 years for me to return to Him… and in God’s time, everything will be ok. Our God is a God who comes to those who receives Him. Please don’t say “If God you are true, show yourself and I trust you”. Let me tell you this, You Have To Trust Him, Then He Will Show You and not the other way round. He is Not our slave and he does not take our order. So, humble yourself, seek Him. Matthew 24:35, Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by means pass away. God’s words are here to stay. And that explains why the Bible has persisted for thousands of years. Which words have been so PERFECTLY preserved?

If you feel the emptiness in your heart, your imperfectness, that you need peace, you need something to complete you, seek God. 
Do not just indulge with earthly things are not meant to last. You will pass away and you don’t even carry any possession with you. God says in Genesis 3

Genesis 3:
17 Then to Adam, He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:
“Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it. All the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.”

So when we die, we return to dust. And why do we die?

Which science explains the cause of death? Science talked about aging but it does not explain why? God does. The cause of death is clearly stated in Genesis 2:17

17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
And Eve and Adam sinned. They took the fruit and ate it. That was when death came to us. However, Jesus defeated death with his resurrection.

Think about you, a man with heart defect on the street come to you and said would you donate your heart, sacrifice your life to save him?
I bet your answer is as same as mine - No. Jesus did. He died for all the mankind, and not in simple death but a torturous one. Why? God loves you.

If you are just like me, searching in the past, I pray that you will come to know Lord Jesus Christ.

I recommend you to watch videos by these great people, just youtube them, open your heart and listen to them. 
1. Nick Vujicic 
2. Benny Prasad 
3. Lee Strobel’s Case for Christ.

You might get some answers to your doubt.

I pray for you that God will create a miracle in your life so that you will see him and when that one day comes, you will be as free as me. A true happiness that is free, paid by Christ. I have been an intellectual Christian, but now I am Spiritual Christian.

If you ask me, how do I know God is real? Because I felt His Love and because He talks to me. Communication is the proof that He is real.

I am a reborn Christian on 30-Sep-2016, at the age of 36.

And this is my story.